I have had quite a hiatus lately from writing and well everything else in my life. ryan and I decided to try and have a baby back in october and since then I have been struggling with the very unpredictable mood that poor Ryan must endure as well as the incredible fatigue that comes along with the miracle of a single cell developing in to the 16 week fetus that I have not yet felt move inside me. During all this time I had to balance my selfishness and worries with the needs of my love life and family. Lucky for me Ryan and I made this decision together and he is a supportive man who values family. Yet, not everyone is in the same happy predicament when they recieve the news of a new baby. What do you do if you are a woman who finds themself in a positin where the man you love just is not supporting you or even worse does not want to be a father. In this situation many woman face losing everything at the time that they are feeling the absolute worst. so what can be done?
First of all when you look at the man who just cant be supportive, perhaps he doesnt understand why you fall asleep at 7 at night and just dont want to go out any more or maybe he is not interested in the many prenatal visits it takes and you worry he will be this way when the baby comes. Well take a deep breath in these reguards because this is not an uncommon reaction and keeping your cool is often the best way to react. Most men cant wrap there head around the actual changes happening until they see that baby in the flesh. There body is not making a baby the way yours is and to an outsider it is still an abstract idea. For example, my little brother and father of two was pretty awful during his wifes first pregnancy. He would sit on the couch and play video games with his friends while she made all preparations. He did not understand why she could not attend functions and I remember how worried she became that he would not be mature enough to be a father. However, as soon as he saw the baby he became a protective loving father. His whole world turned around and although I realize this will not happen with every man who is selfish still and unsupportive during pregnancy, there is no correlation that he wont love and ccare for the child when the baby enters the world. SO be Patient and remember most men are big children themselves.
Next, We look at the man who is sure he doesnt want to be a father. This is a differnet situation all together and again does not mean that he wont be a supportive father but it is less likely. Guys are often straight forward and if he tells you he cant or wont do it then he means it. It is sad in ways becasuse many woman fear the possibility of doing it alone but preparing for it in this situation is the best option. If he does not want a child, he most likely does not want the relationship to be that serious as well and making plans to be a modern single mom may be the answer here. If i was in this situation I would be creating a plan that included my career and how I will support my new life and at the begining that may mean reaching out for help! I would make sure that I had a place to go in the case that daddy is just to overwhelmed and come up with a support system of friends and family I could turn to. I think this as a back up plan will make the pregnancy process and possibility of lack of support easier.
In conclusion when it comes to a relationship we are all in different situations and some of are lucky to have a man who will be our true partner and walk through life as a true partner and help us through the hard times and the good but, for the people who are still searching for a true partner there is answers and eventually we find our true love but challenges arise in the mean time and the best solution is planning and preperation for the changes in our lives.
Written by Nichole Grimshaw
Friday night Ryan and I were in our normal routine of making somehting to eat, watching a movie and heading to bed. Although on a friday night that may seem lame to most. I love just relaxing with Ryan we laugh and talk most of the night and even if we have nothing to do it is an amazing night. Well, This friday was different and it got me thinking about the relationship, what I want, and if I was making the right choices…
Most woman who find men to date have to keep there real wants to themselves becuase there not on the same page as the man. They believe they should wait for this guy to want the same things, that over time it will change, or that overtime he will all of a sudden want a commitment with them. I find this thinking delusional and depressing. when a man wants to be with you he will know rather quickly ( at the begining of the relationship not a year in !), He will commit and he will do everything to keep you with him. This is the true test of love and so many woman think things are going to change and become increasingly unhappy with there dead end relationship or lack of one but stay in hopes of a change. i have had friends say well were young, and well when he grows up or is ready. This bothers me because in there hearts they know the lack of commitment is wrong and theat they deserve better and in most cases the guy they are with knows this too and doesnt understand why the girl stays with them. If you are not feeling like your needs are met or you are at the right place at the right time this is not the right person. We all need to be brave and let go of what makes us unhappy.
This satetement above Is something I have known for a while now and tried my best to hold to and Friday night Ryan proved himself to be everything I would hope in a commited and loving man. Ryans roomate who is 23 year old guy, just out of college and in a different position than the two of us who are in early 30’s decided to tell me he thought we were moving too fast. Ryan and I have been together for 5 months and they have been the best 5 months of my life. Tyler, Ryans roomate felt like he didnt like that I was over all the time, That the two of us were always home, and that I gave ryan a photo of the two of us in which he put up in his dining room. Although, I emoathized with tyler and came up with the solution that I just cant be over as much since Tyler explained he feels left out like a third wheel. I think most woman would just move in and pay but after the convo with tyler I knew it was more of a discomfort than a finacial burden. Well, when ryan and I spoke about it I told him I would be staying at home from now on because I was not willing to upset his roomate. Ryan was unhappy but seemed to accept what needed to be done.
Well, After all had passed and blown over Ryan who is a great man, who wants the same things as me in life sat me down. I knew it was going to be about the same drama and I was already sad about our new situation of spending time apart because of our relationships effect on others. At this sit down Ryan had informed me that he spoke to his Land lord and will be getting a place for just him and I. I was so amazed that the next day he went out and fixed the situation to make sure I was with him still. We will now be moving in to our first home and I could not be more impressed with my amazing man and his level of commitment towards our relationship.
In conclusion, There is no such thing as moving to quickly if you are at the same point in time and if you are not getting the commitment you desire from your partner stop waiting for them to change. Be brave and move forward in life because the right person will be there when it counts most and never let you go…
Yesterday I was thinking about Ryan and what I can do too show him how much I appreciate his support through everything and I decided to Make him dinner and desert. I made him fried chicken and stuffing with a sugar cookie and french vinalla ice cream desert. I had it ready for him when he came home Last night. It got me thinking about something that I had read not too long ago about what makes a relationship work over the long haul. The two main points were admiration and appreciation for each other. Ever since reading this artical I have always tried to show both to my partner and realized that it is exactly what I was lloking for as well!
Admiration- Is defined as respect, high approval, and esteem for someone or someting… All relationships start out this way or we would never enter them but overtime we tend to lose our admiration. Sometimes this is through lack of trust in the other person and sometimes it may be through lack of personal self esteem. In order to be in a healthy realtionship you need both selfesteem and trust in one another. If either are missing the ability to hold someone else in high reguard and esteem will fade. This is due to wanting more form them to help ourselves feel better or more in control. If you find yourself in a position that your partner is not trust worthy then you need to find out why or simply leave and If you are not feeling good about who you are then start a search and a plan to feel better about your life. remember it takes two whole people to have a good relationship that lasts.
Appreciation- Is defined as the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something. Appreciation is such a valuable piece in any relationship. This is the action of showing you care and there are so many ways to show you appreciate someone (see list of a few ideas below)! Actions speak louder than words in most cases and the action of doing something selfless for your partner just to show you care more than anything you could say. all people like to know that they are cared about and the things they do are important and meaningful to you. I try to do something no matter how small for ryan every single day. This may be making him lunch before he leaves in the morning, a love note, or perhaps simply organizing his closet. It all depends on what is important to the person you love…
Ways To show someone you appreciate them
1. Make them a romantic dinner
2. Leave a meaningful love note
3. Make them a card – ( hand made is so much sweeter because it takes time and effort)
4. Girls– Put on a sexy outfit and wash their car!!
5. Do there laundry ( especially if they clean up after you often)
6. Make them a bubble bath
7. give them a massage
8 ** always say thank you**
Written by Nichole Grimshaw
Like this blog also check out- http://happinessecrets.blogspot.com/
Many people have heard this story through my other blog http://nicholegrimshaw.wordpress.com/2013/10/02/why-is-finding-love-so-hard/ but Here is the longer version of my love story…
I met Ryan; the love of my life in my of this year. I had pretty much given up on love all together after a devastating breakup in march. I had loved a guy “Bill” who seemed to have loved me as well. Bill and I were together for a full year and we spent every single day together. He was definitely my best friend. There were times he would call me teary eyed and tell me all his problems. As you can imagine when Bill received a promotion at work and stated he did not want me with him I was devastated and Blind sided. This was my biggest fear and it had come true. I like most people ignored the fear the whole time even though I should have taken that as a warning and ran as soon as I felt it. Never the less I did not and I hoped Bill would be a different man. I cried and cried feeling embarrassed of my behavior and lack of judgment. I was upset that I was betrayed and I did not understand why he preferred to never talk to me again. That’s right cold turkey he didn’t even call me once!
Well after this experience I did what I Always do I turned to God and I received a Sign. I was opening up to m cousin Matt on Easter who is Priest and I had been praying and praying for weeks. At the time he consoled me and let me know that there is always a reason. It did make me feel better but did not answer my questions like why do I keep hitting a wall when I move in any direction and is there something you want from me? Well, Then next night Matt called me and said he wanted to say something but didn’t know why and when he talked to his mentor in seminary he knew he was supposed to say it to me. He told me to holy spirit said God has bigger plans for me and I knew in that moment I had no choice but to completely let go and trust in what will happen. Well I did just that.
I summed at this point that I was supposed to do something bigger and that there may not be any man I am supposed to be with although I knew I really wanted a family someday I had to give up the idea of it and come to terms with the bigger picture. I know started praying for a sign so I knew what to do and I did get a few that I wont forget but nothing to big. So instead I worked on myself and getting better. I made new friends, started writing, found the help I needed and tried to be a better person ( which is hard and an everyday struggle). Through this period I had an old friend of mine reenter my life and help me through. My friend Julie is an amazing person with such a large heart. She has been here for me through it all and is also the person I was with the day I met Ryan.
That day Julie and I were discussing the book I had been writing and her current relationship search etc… when she was invited down to her sisters for a cook out. I remember asking her if I should put on make up and her telling me there would not be anyone I was interested in there. I laughed and began to tell her bout my message from god and how I did not think that mattered because there is no one for me. Boy as I wrong. Well I did not wear make up and when we pulled up so was a Tall Blond Man. At first I just said hello and the day went on. He did not show any interest in me at all. He was outside cooking and acting shy most of the day and if he did talk he spoke to Julie so I summed he may have some interest in her. Well it did start raining and we all got a bit sick of being cooped up so we went to a bar that night to ply some pool and as I ordered my beer Ryan came and sat down next to me. We talked for a bit and he asked if Julie and myself wanted to go to a party next weekend and he asked for my number. I gave it to him unsure if was interested due to his mixed signals. Well over the next week we texted a bit and talked on the phone a couple of times. I went to that party and the two of us have been together since.
Now, if your thinking OH NO is she making the same mistake twice. No I am not this is much different Ryan was from the get go everything I needed to help me live my life the way I had dreamed of, He has a balance between indifference and love that I need perfectly, and is everything I could want in a man. We new immediately we loved each other and were supposed to be together. We now talk about marriage and kids and he is the most amazing man. God had plans and boy am I glad I listened to him. Throughout this blog I want to share my real life love story and all of the knowledge I have gained on my journey through Love. There is so much advice and some of it sucks and some of it is great. I hope everyone finds there true love just like I did